How to Keep Your Writing Healthy at Work
by Judith Harper
Early in my career, after about six months working full-time for large corporations, I found myself writing sentences like this:
We have developed three data management solutions: ServiceMarkA, a data-presentation strategy designed specifically to facilitate technology transfer and training; ServiceMarkB, an integrated data-management system for technical communication specialists; and ServiceMarkC, a data management strategy tailored for design engineers.
Even my eyes glazed over when I read the stuff. Could I have had a problem?
Of course I did. Cathy Moore (in her now-deceased and greatly missed Authentic Voice weblog) defined the syndrome: Corporate Drone. She described it as:
that vague, verbless text that oozes a numbing gray fog whenever you open a brochure or report.
Numbing gray ooze is not exactly a great tactic when the goal is to change people by changing the way they do things. You want readers alert and motivated, not numb and fogged up.
Diagnosing Corporate Drone (CD)
I checked my writing for CD symptoms; you can check yours for three of the most telling signs.
- A rash of ambiguous words and phrases, like partnering, architect (as a verb), and solution (as in "partnering with leading providers of e-business information solutions" or "architecting cutting-edge security solutions). Check out these gems for other examples. The rash is particularly irritating when the assembled words and phrases make no sense.
- Indigestion from a glut of words that are both multisyllabic and meaningless, as in this example:
The solutions uniquely offered us the integrated planning, robust supply chain optimisation and execution capabilities needed to support our store level, integrated planning and replenishment initiative. (quote courtesy of The Observer) - Fever and lethargy resulting from a scarcity of active verbs and simple, direct sentences, like this example:
In addition, ongoing services deliverables must be carefully monitored to ensure the quality, timeliness and contract compliance of the deliverables during the term of the contract. This can be time-consuming and error-prone, and unless compliance is closely managed it can lead to unneeded costs such as undetected contract overruns and duplicate invoices. With the increasing use of contingent workers, consulting projects and offshore outsourcing, the delivery risk of services is increasing and needs to be managed even more closely.
Recovering from Corporate Drone
If your writing exhibits any of these symptoms, help is at hand! You can get rid of the numbing gray fog by using these tactics.
- Make sure you know what you’re talking about.
This means understanding the big picture as well as sweating the small stuff. When interviewing subject matter experts, don’t accept high-level answers to questions. Drill down to the details. Then drill down even more. Vivid, compelling writing is crystal clear; it paints word pictures in sharp detail without bogging down in excess verbiage. - Zero in on your primary audience.
This means focusing on the person who will read the report, the procedures, the process description or proposal. What does she need to know? What is important to her? Does he have a basic knowledge of the subject or is he a novice? What does he care about? I’m the writer, but the reader is in charge. If she isn’t, she’ll lose interest. Or he’ll become confused. In either case, mistakes will be made and readers will stop reading. Then, as Confucius said, "what ought to be done remains undone." And the goal of infowriting remains unmet. - Read what you’ve written — out loud.
If what you hear makes you cringe, start over with Step 1.